resolve vs. resign

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

There is someone that I've known for a while, we've shared a handful of experiences with each other, our paths cross often enough. You could say that we're friends, it sort of looks like that on the surface. But everything that I know and feel about friendship indicates to me that things are not right between us, that they are not good. And to a degree I think out of the two of us, I'm the one who notices. I can't get over this feeling that there is this pervasive, lingering tension, silence, awkwardness. I can't put my finger on it, and sometimes I wonder if I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, or if I'm perceiving this accurately.

The thing is, I've been feeling this way for a while. I wish I could be brave and not evade this any longer. But I can't right now. The timing is off. So although I believe this needs to be resolved, I'm petrified. I cannot.

I just pray that God would orchestrate the circumstances that would help this situation out. Chances are that maybe this friend has noticed the weirdness between us. But without awareness on their side, confrontation seems..well, like I'd be picking a fight. I care about this person, I definitely don't want to give that impression. But maybe my fear is, if I confront them, that there won't be any friendship, or acquaintanceship.

As I said before, between a rock and a hard place. It is obvious to me that reconciliation between people cannot occur if no one makes the first move. Right now I feel like I'm not willing to be that person.